Post by ISABELLA MARIE SWAN on Dec 17, 2012 11:53:10 GMT -5
It had been a few days since she had first run into him...into Edward. Her heart had been aching ever since then. She knew the risks involved and yet she didn't know what she wanted. What it was that he wanted. It had seemed like a nightmare. One she couldn’t get rid of. She wanted to go back to the past to fix what she had done but there was no way of doing it so she had to accept the decision in which she had made. Edward had been on her mind more so now that she was back in Forks, then ever before. And it was scary. She felt like she was losing control of herself.
She couldn’t anticipate what was about to happen. All she knew was that after that meeting with Edward and Thalia, she had not been able to come to terms with what she knew to be the truth. She needed to know that she was doing the right thing and that Edward did not hate her. She had enough hatred for herself for the both of them. Yes, she loved Edward. Always, and forever....but she had wished that she had not panicked when she did.
They would have been celebrating six beautiful eternal years together now if she hadn’t panicked and left. Fear of the unknown, of what her life would be, what it would become had caused her to turn her back on the man she loved, a man who didn’t deserve it. Edward had a beautiful soul and although he couldn’t see it for himself as he had said before, she had always seen it. It was because of this that she could not just deny what she had felt.
Growing older had not been a part of the plan.
She wanted to be the same age as Edward by appearances when she became a vampire but that had all but been a distant memory. She couldn’t recall a life before him. All she could ask for was that they could be friends and that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. She wasn’t even sure if he wanted them to be back to a friendly zone. She needed to know how he felt.
What he was thinking, because honestly she felt the need to know if her being back in Forks was causing him too much pain. She didn’t want to be a burden to him, to make him suffer.
That was not why she had come back to Forks, despite the overwhelming emotions that had come to the surface. Her heart was racing fast as she stood in the same spot she had stood in six years ago. It had been too long to expect that they could work things out. If she had come back sooner perhaps it would seem more likely. Edward had not told her to stay away from the area in which she was now standing, otherwise she would have taken his advice. Suddenly she found herself standing infront of the very man that she had left at the alter, and hesitantly she spoke.
“Edward.....I....think there are things we need to talk about. I know you probably don’t want to even see me much less smell my scent, as I’ve done more than—I ever thought I could. Hurting you, Edward, was not my intention. Although I know that I did, and that has been the hardest part in all of this. I was so lost in worrying about myself that it didn’t occur to me at first what it was also doing to you. And I’m sorry for that. Because you deserve so much more than what I could give you.”
She couldn’t anticipate what was about to happen. All she knew was that after that meeting with Edward and Thalia, she had not been able to come to terms with what she knew to be the truth. She needed to know that she was doing the right thing and that Edward did not hate her. She had enough hatred for herself for the both of them. Yes, she loved Edward. Always, and forever....but she had wished that she had not panicked when she did.
They would have been celebrating six beautiful eternal years together now if she hadn’t panicked and left. Fear of the unknown, of what her life would be, what it would become had caused her to turn her back on the man she loved, a man who didn’t deserve it. Edward had a beautiful soul and although he couldn’t see it for himself as he had said before, she had always seen it. It was because of this that she could not just deny what she had felt.
Growing older had not been a part of the plan.
She wanted to be the same age as Edward by appearances when she became a vampire but that had all but been a distant memory. She couldn’t recall a life before him. All she could ask for was that they could be friends and that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. She wasn’t even sure if he wanted them to be back to a friendly zone. She needed to know how he felt.
What he was thinking, because honestly she felt the need to know if her being back in Forks was causing him too much pain. She didn’t want to be a burden to him, to make him suffer.
That was not why she had come back to Forks, despite the overwhelming emotions that had come to the surface. Her heart was racing fast as she stood in the same spot she had stood in six years ago. It had been too long to expect that they could work things out. If she had come back sooner perhaps it would seem more likely. Edward had not told her to stay away from the area in which she was now standing, otherwise she would have taken his advice. Suddenly she found herself standing infront of the very man that she had left at the alter, and hesitantly she spoke.
“Edward.....I....think there are things we need to talk about. I know you probably don’t want to even see me much less smell my scent, as I’ve done more than—I ever thought I could. Hurting you, Edward, was not my intention. Although I know that I did, and that has been the hardest part in all of this. I was so lost in worrying about myself that it didn’t occur to me at first what it was also doing to you. And I’m sorry for that. Because you deserve so much more than what I could give you.”
